Published by Swiss James on 20 Nov 2009 at 01:01 pm
WITCHCRAFT
OK now this is going to be old news for most people, but I was at a hotpot restaurant last night and we cooked the broth on little individual hotplates.
EXCEPT THEY WERE NOT HOT.
You could put your hand on the thing and it wouldn’t burn, but place a metal pot on there and the soup would bubble up real nice.
“Oh sure” you’re thinking, “He’s talking about a confloosion unit pad”.
Well yes, if that’s what they’re called then I’ll believe you.
But how did such a technological wonder go from being a show-stopping marvel that people would crowd around and stare at, to so commonplace that I just realised somebody in the next office is making Cappuccino with one?
“Hmm, no sugar- I’ll just pop out on my hoverboard and get some” 
I know I didn’t get an iPod until August this year, but am I so far behind the times?
What else have I missed?
James – I have the opposite but equally marvelous device at home. It’s a kind of heater that runs on electricity. You plug it in, you put your hand to it and it is so hot your finger will turn bright red, but after 3 hours the rest of the room is still freezing. Anyway, if you think this is incredible, there’s something called Google which will blow your mind. Actually what freaked me out last month when I was in London. You get out your mobile phone and use GPS to find your location on Google maps. Then you click on an icon and it shows you a 360 degree photo of the street where you’re standing. Doesn’t work in China though.
Sorry the feature is called Street View. So if you’re meeting a friend at his house you can street view it and see what his house looks like so you know what to look out for and don’t drive right past it.
Woai, how detailed are the images in 360 view? Can it tell me if my local Spar in Blackpool still has Sago pudding in stock?
Seriously Swiss, I know you’re into the retro and all that but come on…
Dingle – I can see my mum’s car parked outside our house in London which is good enough for me.
I found one on amazon and without boring you with all the technical jargon, they basically work through alchemy using magents to fiddle about with the very atoms that make up the container.
Forget CERN, if I was you mate I’d get crackin on that packet of doughnuts in your top drawer, make sure you are heavy enough to withstand the gravitational pull of the impending black hole in your office canteen.
WoAi- I don’t think it is real time. Her car might not be parked there now.
Stimpy – I think you’re right, it’s not real time. It just means her car was parked there when the big Google camera van drove down our street. Apparently there’s a village in Buckingham that chased the van out of the village armed with pitchforks. They didn’t want their village on the map.
I am part of a beta-test of Google Shanghai Real-Time Apartment View. I can tell you that right now Tommy is sitting looking out of WoAi’s window, mournfully wishing for birdlife to appear. WoAi is in his pyjamas, dancing to Ace of Base. He’s now going to the front door and he’s opening it. Shopgirl is there, wearing new platforms, new skirt, new top, new earrings and a new pair of glasses. She is handing WoAi a package of some kind. She’s gone now. The door is closed. What is in that package?
“I know I didn’t get an iPod until August this year, but am I so far behind the times?
What else have I missed?”
it’s ok gramps – rotfl – (just joking)
In the UK they now have this new technology that scans your thoughts and transmits them direct to the boss’ blackberry. Also, if you think about things like pies, Asda deliver them to you direct without asking. Another interesting thing they have this thing called national service they are only implementing for expats who return from places beginning with the letters ‘S’ ‘T’ and ‘Q.’ Apparently they collect you at the airport and train you and send you to somewhere called ‘the suck.’ Not sure what that is.
DavidA – Well Shopgirl was wearing her usual pair of glasses, but everything else is hard to deny. She was just dropping off some dinner for old WoAi. She volunteers for the Shanghai version of meals on wheels delivering to people who can’t cook for themselves, bless her knee length cotton socks. We did a podcast this afternoon and I’ve had the song in my head all night, but now I can’t get “All That She Wants” out of my head.
Meals on wheels in hypercapitalist Shanghai? It’s going soft in its old age. Next thing they’ll have socialism in China! The very thought…..
Bozzle- ah yeah, apparently it’s called an Induction Stove. It’s not right. It’s just, not right.
Bub- that’s OK, I’ll be coming from China
WoAi / David – you’ll be disappointed if you’re looking for smut on that Google Streetview you know. I’ve been up and down Tong Ren Lu on that thing. Nothing.
Mike- oh I had a generic MP3 player, so I know about err Lady Gaga and stuff.
Dingle- you could use the electric telephone and ask them?
Albeit somewhat off topic, I’d like to let everyone know that I’ll be leaving ispyshanghai.com on December 7th. On Facebook I posted that the reason is due to extreme asian shoe fetishism flu but the real reason is that me and the gf got caught doing the nasty in a certain intl. Airpot so we’re getting deported.
Was there a panda involved too?
The Peoples Republic of China
T
Good Grief people…
It’s not magical or alchemy….It’s called magnetic induction.
Man, people are allowing themselves to be so ignorant.
Geez….