Published by Swiss James on 12 Nov 2009 at 12:51 pm
How to have a meeting
I was in a meeting this morning, my only contribution was to stand up and nod my head slightly when somebody said my name. It was a productive 3 hours.
If you find yourself in a similar situation (common for foreign looking foreigners in China) you will need to know who to nod you head slightly at in order to get the most out of the meeting.
Spotting the top boss
When working out who the most important man (or woman!) ((just kidding, it’s a man)) looking at clothes isn’t much of a clue in the room is. 
If you watch the recent broadcast of the 60th anniversary of the CCP you’ll see that drab and cheap looking is the order of the day for leaders.
Spotting a fancy watch is no good either; don’t tell anyone, but there are 1 or 2 fake Rolexes knocking around in China (shhh!)
No, the best way to tell who is important is to look at the…
Seating Plan
For example, imagine you’ve just walked through the door to a meeting room and seen this:
Who is the most important guy in the room? Probably the guy with the red robe and blue cloak right? Same in China. The most important guy sits facing the door in the middle.
Now let’s take a closer look at that table:
Cups
See how the main man and his top disciples have real porcelain tea cups with lids on them? That’s because they run tings.
Minions at the side get plastic cups, “room meat” around the edges should have brought their own damn tea.
Now let’s go closer still (Mum, I’m sorry)
*
Cigarettes
It’s not a failsafe clue, but you can be pretty sure that anyone lighting up in a meeting is not expecting to have to take too many orders today. The expensive brand tucked in the tunic (no sharesies Judas, these cost a fortune) just underlines who is the boss around here.
*Photo is for illustration purposes only, Jesus probably didn’t even smoke
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yeah, let me know when the lightning strike is expected to reduce you to ashes, I’d like to be out of town when that happens.
You are going to rot in hell for all eternity for that James. I’m glad it won’t just be me down there. Bring your Ukulele.
all i can see is the super lame photoshop works!!
thanks for the in-depth analysis though!! yayayayaya
I don’t see what’s so wrong about it- it was the only photo I had of people sitting around a table.
hahahahahahaha………………
QUALITY POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christ, I can’t imagine how many Haily Mary’s Father Pinkman would have prescribed for this Swiss, I reckon he’d have thrown in a few Our Father’s too, maybe even all the stations of the cross!!
In these grim economic times, wearing cheap clothing is a way of showing that you are “down with da masses,” even if you wouldn’t stoop to giving a staving child a slice of bread on a sunny day in June.
I dunno, looks to me like the dude in the middle with the red robe and the blue cloak (who is that anyway? Aphex Twin?) just has bad body odour or has just farted – notice the reactions of those around him. Doesn’t necessarily mean a bad analogy for meetings in China of course
WTF? OMgoodness, you are gonna be burning a long time for this!
Excellent analysis though, you have definitely lived here too long. So tell me, are you the paper cup or china mug type
Dingle – are you talking directly to Jesus or did you mean Swiss J?
In the final picture – who is who? Without one of the guys being bald, I was not sure. I thought one guy looks like WoAi, but it is a toss up on whether Jesus is James (same initials) or Dingle – Do either of you smoke?
It’s a little-known fact that Jesus was bald and wore a wig specially designed by Mary Magdalene’s identical twin sister. It was hushed up back in A.D. 77, with most copies of the banned Sister Suzie Gospel being sealed in the library of Alexandria in amongst Egyptian adult pamphlets.
I don’t smoke KimC, it’s a filthy habit and I take great care of my body!
You know, when I was young I had an invisible friend I used to talk to all the time. One day my mum asked what his name was and I said “Jesus”. She completely freaked out and took me off to the nearest church immediately where the priest said I was amazing and had had a visitation from God. He got the amazing bit right but I think I made the whole Jesus thing up..
p.s. I look a bit like the one who looks the most like George Clooney
Dingle- it’s a disturbing tale of childhood that one, you could have been shut away in the Vatican by now if the priest had believed your scam.
David- I think it’s a communist thing with the drab clothes, Mao was a big fan you know
Jake- someone always has to bring the tone down- but yes, it is the Aphex Twin.
KimC- locked out of my house for Christmas dinner more like. Anyway I maintain that it was just the only image I had of people sat around a table.
DavidA- I am interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter
Dingle2- has George Clooney had some sort of road accident to the face that I don’t know about?
BRILLIANT! ha!!
omg man! how could you blaspheme like this!?? you will go hell now for sure, omg!!!
They’re all saying “WOWWWW” and he’s like “yeah it’s my new trick, I made all the food disappear”, Judas is really pissed, it took him like ages to cook that all cous cous, he’s thinking of revenge..
I think you’ll find the Bayeux Tapestry is another perfect example of leadership through symbolic art. Your (computer) skills in this area are far superior to mine so I will leave it to you to analyse and feed back to the group.
that was great haha…classic.