Published by Swiss James on 04 Aug 2009 at 12:47 pm
Shoe Tuesday…is not that kind of feature
The trouble with running Shoe Tuesday*
*the internet’s third most popular footwear + day of the week combination, after the NBC.com regular “All-Star Saturday Slingbacks” and the Mexican smash hit “Es Domingo! Es Flip-Flop Fiesta!“
is that people assume I have a weird thing for shoes.
When I went back to the UK office over the summer, I was introduced as
“This is James, he has a website. And a shoe fetish”
which is, you know, great (thanks a lot Fadia!).
Anyway I don’t have a weird thing for shoes, and in fact when I see adverts like the ones below, it makes me weep for the future. Not one, not two, but
- four
adverts for legitimate, entirely-above-aboard, you-can-ask-the-chief-of-police-he’ll-be-out-in-a-minute massage services that feature high-heeled shoes.
What ever happened to a saucy wink and a naughty nurse uniform? That’s what I want to know.
I’ve ordered massages from all four and not once did the girl arrive wearing heels.
WoAi – did you request that? I think you need to request that. Or so I’ve been told.
A few months ago it was all about twins- seemingly every massage place in town was stocked to the rafters with twins of any size and shape you required.
No doubt there are several streets in Shanghai full of unemployed twins wandering around now.
Or are they just hoping unsuspecting foreigners can’t tell the difference between Chinese people?
Twins my arse. The pair I ordered weren’t even real sisters! As for the heels, the add has heels so I assume the girl has heels. It’s just like when you see a Coke ad and there’s a glass of Coke with ice in it. The ice is included …. oh, hang on, I see.
Sorry I mistyped. I meant the pair MY FRIEND ordered weren’t even sisters.
French massage? Is she going to come with a beret and galouise cigarettes and then sit around and strike when she gets there?
T- quite.
The Russian Massage sounds scary too- “The victim’s skin was torn, ragged and clinging only loosely to the cadaver. Early indications are that he endured some kind of ‘Russian massage’”
Be careful when ordering for your friends there WoAi
I never understood the attraction of twins, what’s the point in having two that look EXACTLY the same, you don’t go to lunch and order two burgers, you get a burger and an ice cream or a burger and fries, madness….
Dingle – When girls ask me as they often do, why I don’t get married, I say “I love Italian food, but I could never eat only Italian food every day for the rest of my life”. Invariably the girl will reply “how can you compare food with women?”.
And by “girls” WoAi, of course, means his Mum
James – Actually my mum never asks why I am not married. She knows me far too well.
You’re a confirmed bachelor, like Cliff Richard and John Humphries.
Oh! My mum LOVES Cliff Richard. In our house he is known just as Cliff. We are very informal.
there’s the ol’ saying about men and women: why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for free?
i say (with regard to women and men): why put up with the whole pig when all i want is the sausage?!
KimC- at the place in Portugal where I went on holiday there are huge posters of El Cliff promoting his dodgy wine. His vineyard was just round the corner from where we were staying- but did I see him toiling in the fields all day? I did not.
Angie- I like it, when is your wedding by the way?
When I see these ads, I get creeped out the by the weird angles of the feet and legs. What kind of contortionist/stumblebum could actually manage the poses in #2 and #4?
Eeeeeeew. Am I alone in this?
Well, I do have a shoe fetish. However, I don’t really like the negative connotations that the word ‘fetish’ has. There is nothing wrong with liking certain things. I like girls that wear really high heels – high heels that look cheap and tacky too. Actually, I like Chinese girls that wear these shoes. Ok, hang on, I like Shanghai girls that wear them. Alright, Zhabei girls. And really ridiculously high heels – like cartoon hookers. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing.