ISpyShanghai

It’s easy enough to laugh at the odd ways of Chinese people (I should know, I’ve done it for 500+ blog posts), but westerners are daft too.

Here are some “chopsticks for dummies” for sale in one of home town supermarkets.

Why there would ever be a need for such a thing, I don’t know. If you can’t be bothered to learn to use actual chopsticks, how about a fork?
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Oh good grief.

I’ve just got back from handing out free puppies to homeless people when I heard some slanderous lies spoken about my behaviour at the That’s Shanghai Food & Drink awards.

I won’t name the person who has made these allegations (although it rhymes with “Jake Newby”) but they were made on the Urbanatomy podcast (16:20 in).

…James Creegan is actually a real diva, he was throwing a right hissy fit when I showed up.

Well. Well indeed.

Obvious I’m far too big to respond to these kinds of lies. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to flounce past some poor people.

Taken just outside my front door, Jing-An.

It’s a casual sort of neighbourhood.

Here’s an older gent who was making his opinions known

You’ll note the tiny speck of land off the South East coast, definitely part of China that.
Co-incidentally, I was wearing my “Say ‘No’ to an independent Cornwall!” t-shirt.

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If you’re over 35 and thus have no idea what a podcast is, it’s basically one or more people talking into a tape recorder for a bit…and err that’s it.

I used to do the same thing with my brother when we got our first Bush clock radios- who would have guessed it would come back into fashion?

Anyway as mention previously, I’m part of the Gang of Three, and we’ve now got 3 episodes of the podcast out there in the ether. It’s easiest to get this stuff if you’ve got itunes, but if not, here they all are on WoAi’s blog.

If you’re thinking about making your own version, this is what you’ll need:

• A recording thingy (we use this one, but my it’s expensive)
• Oceans and oceans of booze
• Audacity
• Ukulele (although an Accordion will do in a pinch)
• A voice that could charm the birds from the trees
• Ego and a thick skin

(There’s another of those 3d photos after this little break- they really are a bit heavy on the eyes after a while eh?)

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Both Shanghaiist and the LA Times have been talking about how the locals behave in Ikea: sleeping on the beds, clambering all over the furniture, pooping in the display toilets and treating the place like a cheap cafeteria.

I’ve never been to an Ikea in any other country, so I don’t see anything unusual in that kind of behaviour (which is probably what Mrs Josef Fritzl said to the police).

Anyway it’s a great place to try out a new camera, as you can take people’s photos and they think you’re just looking at the furniture. I took my new 4 lens super-3d effect camera.

This was the best one.

Super 4 lens 3d camera

Check out your calendars- wind up your sun dial, and set your phasers to stun, it’s

SHOE TU-TU-TU-TUESDAY!

Thanks to everyone who has written to me recently with photos of shoes, shoe-trees, choux pastry and show tunes. It’s much appreciated.

Here are some of the best.

1# Lawrence’s disturbing montage of shoe-related debauchery.

Computer guru Lawrence runs an IT firm that can fix absolutely anything. Seriously- if you’ve dropped your laptop in a document shredder, Lawrence will have it up, running and defragged within 15 minutes OR YOUR MONEY BACK!*

Computer Solutions- check em out.

(*all payments are final, no money back)

#2 Eric’s tale of intrigue and mystery

Eric is the guy who runs the thing, that holds the oil, that oils the ring, that turns the thingimibob that makes my website roar.

He writes

Late one afternoon after my usual daytime drinking binge, I came across a grassy knoll close to my apartment building.

Upon this knoll were a pair of freshly abandoned tennis shoes- white, size 9. THE EXACT SAME SIZE THAT BIN LADEN WEARS.

Now I’m not saying that America’s most wanted man is living in an apartment building in Changning district but….

That’s OK Eric- you’ve said enough.

Eric’s firm is called Terascape, and if you’re looking for website hosting in China, well he does mine and there’s no higher recommendation than that.

#3 Mark in Xiamen sends us this shot of a frigging car that is shaped like a shoe. The frigging car was parked up in Xiamen for more than 5 minutes, hence the presence of several Chinese people sleeping in its shade.

If you see anything shoe-related, please send it to the address on the right of this screen. And remember, no matter how unimportant it might seem to you, a blogger somewhere may be able to squeeze 300+ words out of it.

rain at jing-an

Sunday afternoon and the rain fell heavily on Jing-An.
Compared to the genteel rain of England, the storms in Shanghai are so intense that it actually makes me go all giddy and childlike to walk around in them- splashing my flip-flops through the flooded streets and resisting the urge to just take my shirt off and run around like a Calcutta street kid during a monsoon.

To avoid the weather, we took a canoe to the Science & Technology Museum in Pudong.

Avoiding the rain

I’ve been here before, but it’s a big enough place to warrant a second visit (and we still haven’t been to the third floor). It’s all a bit manic at times with kids mashing the interactive buttons with their sticky palms, and running past all of the boring science bits, to get to the ice-creams.

Also no Alligators- surely every good museum needs an Alligator. What’s up with that?

Still though, it’s good fun and if you concentrate very hard you might learn something.

concentrating very hard

The best exhibit was a “magic room” where the walls and ceiling are designed so that what looks like a vertical, isn’t. The whole room tilts up and down (at least, it did after I had a couple of liveners in the bar) and you just can’t steady yourself.

It was more confusing than a South African athlete’s gender (*rimshot*).

Plasma boy

Read this synopsis of a popular TV show and tell me what you think it is.

I’ll give you a clue- it’s NOT Battlestar Galactica.

Answers to follow.

*Thanks to Izzy and Allastair who pointed this out to me

**Yes I am aware of what the rice bowl means in this context. But still, come on
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