Published by Swiss James on 08 Jun 2009 at 11:49 am
Personal sads
My normal Sunday morning routine involves crouching on all-fours above a plastic bowl as I cough up a mixture of Sambucca, “Lucky Panda” brand tobacco and rodent hair.
Afterwards I have a Croissant and read the Personal ads in Enjoy Classifieds.
The adverts from crazy women who have already set a date for a wedding, picked out the dress and are just looking for a man to stand next to them are always amusing.
This week though I was looking at the chinese translations
English (N.B. Some people can’t see the photo above):
Pretty Shanghainess, intelligent, well educated, overseas working experience, ooh, most important take “seize the day” to the principle of value, so travel, join fun or dream a dream even when swine flu or financial crisis. That’s me, looking for a great guy to perfect both lifes. Will you be?
Chinese:
Shanghai girl wants boyfriend.
Well I mean you’ve got to cut through some of that chat to get to the heart of the problem- but I do think the translator could have added more of a flavour of the English version.
Maybe I’d have gone with: “Crazy-sounding Shanghai girl wants boyfriend. Avoid“.
When I read this one though…
English:
Why Shanghai so many rubbish men from outside? Where these real gentle men. Real educated, respect himself and women. Dregs.
Chinese:
Girl wants boyfriend.
…it seemed so far from the original ad that I’m starting to wonder if I’ve got it all backwards.
Is what’s happening that Chinese girls call up the magazine and say
I want an advert- just put “Girl seeks boyfriend” in Chinese. Thanks
then the magazine’s translator, with a broken heart and an apartment full of porcelain dolls writes her own english version?
Surely that’s not a translation just a sort of classification of the ad like “women seeking men”?
Interesting how the English is kind of patchy but then there’s the use of “perfect” as a verb which seems incongruous.
PS The online version doesn’t have the Chinese “translations”.
Damn, I never checked how they translated mine all those months ago!
*writes down email addresses*
WoAi- they only print a few of the choice specimens each week. Stuff like mature men who offer intimate grooming services don’t make the cut, so they don’t translate them.
Some get more attention though:
Dingle- was it in the print edition? You must have a copy
T- send us an invite to the wedding
I’ve already replied to that one. I have an English accent and I’m not too much white. Okay I’m not under 25 but nobody is 100% truthful in these matters are they.
Most of these ads for men seeking women read as if they were written by Ron Burgundy.
“…I like expensive parties.”
“already 24 age …unbeliveble”
I take the last word to mean that she is impossible to live with.
What happens when one answers to one of those ads? I’d be more interesting to hear about the actual experience..
I don’t think anyone survives the experience of answering the ads.
For example, this is sung about the “lightning marrage” girl:
Her husband was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found
“I dont like Marathon love ,its so long for me”
Not a girl who will “love you long time” then.
Miss Jane / David, we have a guinea pig actually, Swiss, let’s get “John” on the case!
Vesper- yes, I enjoy expensive parties, my apartment smells of antique leather books, and aI want to be on you.
David- our good friend Dingle has actually answered (and placed) several of these ads. Maybe he’ll tell us all about it…
Should I start my letter by proving that I’m better than “dregs”?
T- couldn’t hurt, show us a draft of the letter before you send it
Swiss – there was always a strange enigmatic aura to Dingle that I couldn’t quite work out. Now I know: he is a member of the undead, able to survive multiple encounters with murderous madams only interested in a “kwik marrage”.
David, I’m not enigmatic, I’m just fat.
David- he in unknowable, like the shifting sands of a desert.
“i am looking for a man want to taste my yummy fruits
am an asian girl, slim, 31 years of age.”
These ads are hilarious – great bathroom reading!