Published by Swiss James on 13 Mar 2009 at 12:03 pm
A philosophical taxi driver
At Ikea last night, buying a mattress so that Emma’s ex-boyfriend can come and stay at our place (how did this happen again?).
We get a taxi home and the guy starts up asking where we’re from.
Me [in Chinese]: England
Taxi [in Chinese]: Ah, England is a (something or other)
Me [in Chinese]: England is what?
Taxi [in Chinese]: A (something or other)!- China is also a (something or other) Germany is a (something or other else).
Me: ?
Emma [in English]: I think he’s saying that England and China have a free trade agreement, but Germany is a protectionist state.
Now, see, this is why I prefer to sit in the back of taxis.
This guy was a student of Philosophy so we spent the rest of the journey playing a bizarre game of charades, with a twist. Instead of acting out the name of a film, he would sound out the Chinese name of a famous western thinker and we would try to guess who it was:
Taxi: A To Ma, Ah Kwi Na
Emma: Errr err, Aristotle?
Me: No we’ve had him. Umm, Thomas A Becket?
Emma: Thomas Aquinas! Thomas Aquinas!
What I learned from the journey was thus:
- Francis Bacon was the original author of Shakespeare’s plays
- Napoleon is “the same” as Descartes (somehow)
- You can fit an Ikea double mattress in the back of a Volkswagen Santana (but one of you has to sit in the front)
Haven’t you used the pic of cats with carpet burns before?
So does this mean you’re allowed to invite your ex girlfriends to stay then?
That’s now my trademark photo for when I don’t have anything that’s relevant to the post.
You’ll get used to it over time.
Yes indeed, quid pro quo – it’s time to invite some of your ex girlfriends over to stay. Oops, I just remembered Emma reads this blog too. Forget what I just said. Can’t wait to meet the chap later tonight, I’m sure he’s really awesome (because James can’t stop talking about him!).
Can we focus on the taxi journey please!
Sorry James I read the entire post and all I remembered was “Emma’s ex-boyfriend can come and stay at our place (how did this happen again?)”.
So you can fit a whole mattress in a standard taxi. I never knew that. You can also take them on the subway.
“Emma’s ex-boyfriend can come and stay at our place (how did this happen again?)”
my word.
you can basically do what ever you want now. until the end of time. you my friend, have cart blanche.
anything. you name it. and you can pretty much just say –
‘well, yeah but what about that time your ex boyfriend came to stay? and not only did i allow it, I WENT OUT TO IKEA AND BOUGHT HIM A NEW MATTRESS! CK1 lived for 4 months without a mattress, and i purchased a BRAND NEW one for the xbf. thats how much i love you.’
CK1 lived for 4 months without a mattress?
Boy how about that taxi driver eh folks! He was quite a character huh?!
“CK1 lived for 4 months without a mattress?”
Yes, he just slept on his Ayi instead! (Lucky he’s in Xinjiang where they don’t have internet access!)
You know you can take the big taxi trucks home from IKEA, don’t you?
Are there Ikeas in Afghanistan?
We waited for a taxi truck for 20 minutes, then this guy turned up in his Santana and was all
“Just shove it in the back. Hey- what do you guys think about Hegel?”
rumour has it CK1 is having his ex ayi over for the weekend. he just needs to throw away another mattress for her not to sleep on. im sure his current ayi will get rid of it for him.
swiss james- did you try the hotdogs at IKEA? are they still shit? its the only reason i go…
My oh my, 2 days away and look what happens, slander galore!
I was in a cab once with an Irish friend. On finding out his nationality, the cab driver proceeded to the full chorus of The Fields of Athanrye! My mate tipped him 50rmb.
@ Balti – You really can’t complain about the hotdogs that cost 3 rmb!
@ Kristi – No, but there are two in Kazakhstan.
Is the ex-boyfriends fringe at low-tide as well?
You are a bigger man, James. I would have set the carpet on fire myself.
Now we know what happens to Philo grads.
balti in china- No hotdogs this time- I had the meatballs which are OK, and the chocolate tart which is pretty good.
Col- it was a bit sad that a guy who knew so much would be driving one of those cabs at his age. It was one of the the maroon coloured cabs too.
Dingle- I thought my fringe was at high tide? You have to be consistent!
Could be like that Emma’s exboyfriend come and stay your place？！
That’s so fucked-up，mate！
Why do I foresee an argument…?!?!
“I thought you were cool with him sleeping over”
“Why post that diatribe in your blog”
James, good luck…you got screwed either way…
“insert picture of man holding GF’s purse/bag which James took many months ago”
Good luck this weekend…
James,
Cheers to fitting a bed in a Santana! Believe that qualifies as a good taxi experience.
I have to ask this: how many times have you been to IKEA in the past 6 months? I recall another post involving this store not too long ago…this one was clearly not for the meat balls.
Hope you get the deserved unlimited supply of ‘extra attention’ *cough.. Ben & Jerry’s served daily* from the Mrs. for putting up with this!!
how long’s he staying? is it weird?
HEY!!!! where’s my bloody flag?!
Angie – I think it’s because you’re posting from outside of Texas!
Hey hang on a minute, what’s going on? Is that a German flag?
I just want to see what flag I get.
Oooh Oooh can I have a british flag??
i’m in my house . . . IN Texas, herr WOAI.
WoAi- Ha ha! A German flag! Secret to tell?