ISpyShanghai

During my trip to Kunming last week (two weeks ago? Boy time is really flying since I started taking these new diet pills) the handle broke on my little leather suitcase. I love that suitcase like a 15 year old girl loves her cell phone so I wasn’t happy, but what was I supposed to do? It’s not like there are people whose job it is to fix suitcase handles- it’s 2008 for mercy’s sake.

Brass rivets in the handle- better than new.

Then I thought about the guys who make shoes on Nandang Lu (near Xikang Lu, behind Plaza 66)- they’re used to working with leather and must have a few rivets knocking around, maybe they could help me out.

I took the patient to see the shoe doctor and sure enough, he could fix it up better than new for 100RMB.

It was the same when I got a typewriter for my birthday- a couple of the keys were broken, but Emma took the thing to a guy who repairs typewriters. He fixed it up in less than an hour, charged 9RMB and gave her an itemised bill.

In the UK this kind of thing would just be impossible- you’d have to send the suitcase away to the 1950s to be repaired, or else to a guy in China. Back there when something breaks you just get a new one, whether it’s a shoelace or a racehorse.

I don’t know about you, but I’d swap the right to vote for a cobbler on every corner any day of the week.

Here’s a fun fact- everybody in China thinks that the tastiest part of the fish is the cheeks.

Cheeks: eaten

I think it’s because as they “Bob bob” along in the water, that’s the bit that’s always moving.

In England most people think that the ideal Chicken would have no beak and 18 breasts, but in China they reckon that bit is dead meat because it doesn’t move around when the Chicken walks.

According to a guy I work with at least, the best bit of the animal is always the bit that moves around the most.

Here’s a handy reckoner he gave me to take to restaurants, you might like to cut it out and keep it with you at all times:

Thanks for the recommendations on Nanjing folks- I had a great trip despite nearly getting into a fight at the train station when we first arrived (a bloke pushed in front of me in the taxi queue so I grabbed his suitcase and threw it away. He wasn’t happy, and neither was I but I was much bigger so he walked away).

I went to 1912, the fancy-dan area that seems to be based on XinTianDi) and found it kind of uninspiring.

Most of the places were clubs called things like “Rmani” or “Xcitement” where male hair dressers go to shout at each other. Much cooler was the outdoor garden at a Mexican place called “Behind The Wall” near the university: micro brewery beers, banana pancakes, good times. I seem to always be going to Mexican style places these days, the main street in Cancun is probably full of Chinese guys with a notepad and pen.

It wasn’t a boozy trip though (you know what girls are like) so my best recommendation is Skyways bakery (160 Shanghai Lu) where you can get a fat salami sandwich and a can of pop for 20RMB- half the price of a deli in Shanghai, eight times the deliciousness of Costa / Starbucks.

Halfway up a mountain, time for a snack

Nanjing is a picturesque city with mountains at the sides and a lake in its belly.
On Saturday we had a walk around the lake and went out onto the water in a boat painted to look like a PLA tank. The other Chinese holiday makers waved and took our pictured as we trundled around the place in the sunshine- it was all very peaceful.

Terrifying cable car up Purple Mountain

With the relaxation and fun out of the way, Emma then insisted we took a heart-stopping cable car ride up to the top of the mountain on Sunday. After 30 minutes of ominous creaks, lurching cables and 50 foot drops over the tree tops you get to a station with great views over the city, and a few shops sold instant noodles and fruit on sticks.

Personally I think they’d make more money selling clean underwear and sedatives for the cable car ride back down.

Return train ticket to Nanjing – around 200RMB (takes 2 hours)
Return cable car ticket up Purple Mountain – 60RMB (takes about 1 hour)

<cue Shoe Tuesday music>

Friday night saw the first meeting of the 150 club- a Credit-Crunch homage to Chinese old-man fashion where you have to put together a new outfit (yes, underpants too) for 150RMB (22USD, about ten quid).

I started the night still short of trousers and shoes but with a comfortable 105RMB remaining from the budget. No problem.

Unfortunately the “Closing Down” sale shop I found on my street weren’t prepared to budge on prices so the cheapest pair they had was an outrageous 69RMB. I had just over 35RMB left to get a pair of trousers, and even that meant abandoning the belt clip phone-holder I was going for to complete my “Taxi driver in his mid 40s” look.

In defence of the shoes however, my brown “leather”, waffle-weave slip-ons were amazingly comfortable and still going strong when I collapsed in a heap at about 1am.

Here’s how my outfit broke down:

My 150 club outfit

• Scratchy pink shirt- 19.90RMB from Carrefour
• Purple plaid belt- 3RMB. The most expensive item in an “Everything for 2RMB!” shop
• Belt clip for keys- 2RMB. From the same “Everything for 2RMB!” shop
• Trousers 35RMB. From a shop that mainly sold copper piping and industrial glue.
• White nylon socks 1RMB. Never again, everything I touched gave me and electric shock- I felt like the emperor from Star Wars.
• Underwear 2.8RMB. Carrefour- apparently the cost cuttings are made by removing any protection between the elasticated rubber and your body hair. I’ve now got a bald line circling the crotch area.
• Shoes 69RMB. You’ve got to spend the money where it counts eh?

I got in last night from having a few drinks in Nanjing and found these waiting for me- the first photos of the newest Creegan on the block!

Eve and my Dad

Eve and her Dad

My sister-in-law had a little girl yesterday- Eve Erin Creegan. No photos yet, apparently some things are more pressing for first time parents than updating your facebook profile? A poor excuse.

I’m flying back to England in a few weeks to visit the new family anyway, congratulations to my big brother Andy and his lady wife Sharon!

I’m off to Nanjing this weekend. Any tips?

Photo by WoAi

The second day of my trip to Yunnan was spent entirely with a Chinese tour group. I’d asked a colleague for some advice on fun places to see around Kunming and he suggested the “Stone Forest”- a collection of weird shaped rocks about 50 miles from the city centre.

He also said he’d arrange transport, which I thought was nice, it’s probably worth hiring a mini-bus for half the day instead of trying to get taxis. Later on the arrangement became clearer:

“Please be in reception at 7am- you will be meeting a team”

I should’ve known then what I was in for- the infamous Chinese Tour Group. Following a shouty tour guide who holds a flag and barks information seems to be a relaxing way to spend a day for your average middle-aged Chinese couple.

It’s not my bag, but I figured it was too late to back out now.

The day went:

07:10 Meet up with pasty-faced youth at hotel reception, get into mini bus

07:40 Arrive at random apartment block in the backstreets of Kunming, pick up 3 other people in mini bus

08:10 Arrive at urine-soaked car park near Kunming Railway station to transfer to a bigger bus with 25 other people. I could’ve been at the Stone Forest by now.

08:30 Bus sets off, tour guide runs through ear-splitting monologue in rapid Chinese. Try to listen to MP3 player to drown out the prattle but am nearly overwhelmed by fumes from leaky exhaust under my seat

09:14 Tour guide stops talking for 45 blessed seconds as we go past a traffic accident. A car has rammed head first into a steel barrier at full speed. Driver must have died. Other team members look impressed

09:50 Bus arrives at a gift shop selling Jade and silver jewelry- other team members fight to throw money at the salespeople, I look on bewildered.

10:40 Bus arrives at random temple built next to a handy car park. Whilst praying to a thousand hand Buddha you can take a stick and have your fortune read for 10RMB. I suspect the fortune reads “A fool and his money is easily parted”

11:30 Set off on bus, drive uphill away from civilisation, towards the Stone Forest.

11:43 Are those farmers still using Ox to pull their cart?

11:51 Was that old guy smoking Opium?

11:53 That lady was definitely trying to make her baby smoke a cigarette. Yunnan is weird.

12:30 Finally arrive at gates to Stone Forest, more than 5 hours after we set off. Go to lunch.

Touching the correct rock is very important

When we finally got into the forest it was interesting enough, some rocks that look like a Cat / Monkey / beutiful woman (if you look out of one eye and squint really hard).

There are various rocks to touch which stop your teeth falling out, “have many girlfriends”, or live until you’re one hundred years old (although good luck with that one if your mother made you smoke as a baby), and of course there were lots and lots of things to flash a V-sign in front of whilst having your photo taken.

Suckers at the temple

After the forest we went for a ‘free’ tea ceremony (where people tried to sell us tea), a ‘free’ foot massage (where people tried to sell us Chinese medicine), a ‘free’ cup of coffee (where people tried to sell us coffee, coconut powder, seasame pancakes, flowers, etc. etc.) before finally escaping from “the team” and catching a furtive taxi to the airport.

Our ethnic tour guide

Tour to the Stone Forest 160RMB
including all transport, entrance & guide to temple, entrance & guide to Stone Forest, lunch.
(And side trips to 18 gift shops )