Last Saturday I bought myself a bike. My second in Shanghai, the first one was stolen after I left it unattended outside a whorehouse / diner for 9 days- I don’t really want to get into that right now.

Tonight I tried to catch the last few rays of evening sunshine with a ride around town on my new bike and saw this:

No bike. Damn.

As I trudged upstairs to have an evening stroll instead, I saw a bike next to the security guards and had one of my typical Chinese semi-conversations

Me “That’s mine!”
Guard “Really? There was no [a word which I assume means 'lock']”
Me “I know! Yesterday [a word which I assume means 'lock'], have problem, therefore I forget”
Guard “?”
Me “This thing is mine! I go now, OK?”
Guard [something or other]
Me “I go now. Mine, OK?”

My back wasn’t riddled with bullets as I rode off so I think they got the picture.

I rode around for a while and eventually went to a Buddhist supply shop where I had more Chinese semi-conversations.

Me “Hello!”
Shop owner “Hello! Are you a monk?”
Me “No, I’m just bald”

Paper clothes for the dead

Me “What’s this?”
Shop owner “Clothes. Dead people clothes”
Me “Maybe I’ll buy them”
Shop owner “Who’s dead?”
Me “Nobody’s dead- maybe I’ll send it to my Mum and Dad in England, very interesting!”
Shop owner “Your Mum and Dad are dead?”
Me “No! No! It’s just interesting, maybe I’ll send it to them”
Shop owner “OK, send it to them by burning it”
Me “My Mum and Dad are not dead”
Shop owner “Hmm. Well how old are they?”
Me “NOBODY IS DEAD! I DON’T WANT THE CLOTHES!”

You’ll find out what I did buy tomorrow (what with it being Tuesday).