ISpyShanghai

Yesterday, I stormed out of a restaurant without paying. It was very exciting, I might do it again.

The new terminal at the airport has been open for a while but for the first month they were just ticking over by running 50 flights per day to make sure everything was OK- (I don’t know why, it’s not like there’s ever a problem when a new terminal opens is it?)

It was only yesterday that the full flock of airlines arrived, trebling the traffic at Terminal 2, and making my lunch arrive with the speed of the internet in 1996.

I should explain, my choices for lunch are thus:

• Canteen at work- fish bones covered in a greasy dust, dishwater soup, cold vegetables. (It was fun for the first 13 months)
• Packet of Jaffa Cakes and a swig of tea (again)
• Walk to the new terminal in the blazing sunshine and enjoy one of the many great restaurants

So that’s how I came to be in an airport restaurant with incompetent staff used to serving 3 passengers per day, now facing ２００ hungry customers.

They brought one dish after 20 minutes after we ordered, and one more after half an hour. But after 45 minutes (and multiple complaints) of sitting around watching everyone else get their orders, the drinks, the rice, the meat etc. still hadn’t yet arrived so I stood up, ranted for a bit in broken Chinese, and walked out.

Obviously I can never go back to the airport again, and it’s fish dust for lunch today, but damn it felt good at the time.

My remaining lunch option

Now those aren’t “pop sox”, they go up too high, but they’re a long way shy of stockings.

Whatever the name for this hosiery is, they make me feel funny- like if you eat three Ice Cream KitKats then roll down a hill. The funny straps on the ankles also give me the heebie-jeebies.

You’re going to the park woman! Put on something that will offer lumbar support!

You know I like to keep things highbrow on the internet, but sometimes I can only report what I see.

This time I was at ChangFeng park when I saw a young chap wearing a lovely new jumper.

Photo by dingle.

It’s easier to read when you click on it. Which I just know you’re going to.

I was going to post some more photos from the park, but I don’t want to throw all my gold dust down on day 1. It’s a long week ahead.

EDIT- it’s actually a very short week ahead, Thursday & Friday are public holidays. Spice up your life!

Jade on 36 is one of the ritziest restaurants in town, last night I went there and ate probably the best meal of my life.

To celebrate my anniversary with Emma (3 whole weeks- and they said we wouldn’t last), she picked me up from the airport, I got dressed in the toilets and we went to the Shangri-La hotel in Pudong.

The view from the top floor of the Shangri-La is incredible- you can watch boats slipping up and down the river, the full sweep of the Bund, fairy lights on the flying roofs of the old town, the lipstick towers of XJH , back to Plaza66, and the main ‘Pearl’ of the Pearl Tower up close and personal. Forget the Jin Mao, this is the view of the city.

If you’ve lived in Shanghai for a while you’re bound to have heard about the restaurant there too- it does the kind of “Molecular gastronomy” that all the cool chefs are trying these days; noodles made out of cuttle fish, chalk made out of cheese, Boxer Rebellion flavoured ice-cream, that kind of thing.

Here’s an example:

Duck a l’orange Sunny Side-Up

It’s duck a l’orange with the Orange juice in a little pouch on a bed of cocunut something or other, with the whole thing made to look like a full english breakfast.

Pretenious? Bien feckin’ Sûr- but it’s also kind of funny, and face-meltingly delicious.

The whole menu is like that, one course was a long strip of raw tuna with a 30cm french fry alongside it- “Aha!” you think “What a witty, po-mo take on fish’n'chips! He is playing with a sense of scale and, and, oh Christ that tastes good”

There were a million great points about the meal, (with 803,400 of them being the “Truffle Burnt Soup Bread” which was, just ahhh- oh I give up. Good.)

Apart from the bit where the waiter filled my wine glass with water (which when the water costs 150RMB and the wine 400RMB was a doubly pricey waste of both), it was pretty much perfect. By the end I had to lie down in the taxi because my taste buds were worn through.

Jade of Jade XL menu @ Jade on 36- 1034RMB (+ drinks. It’s only one a year eh?)

Bad news on the Turtle front. We’re a man down.

I returned last night to find one half of our pet duo sprawled out flat on a stone- turtle head stretched out of the water, eyes tight shut, looking a paler green than usual. Carefully picking him up by the shell, his floppy little body soon confirmed my worst fears. He was a goner.

Cause of death unknown although a small mark on the side of his neck which at first made me wonder if we were dealing with Terrapinicide (Miss Julie was being suspiciously quiet on the other side of the bowl), but I suppose we shall never know.

I wrapped him up in a kitchen towel shroud and sent him on his way.

We’re trying our best with these turtles, we really are; using filtered water in their bowl, giving them turtle food and lettuce but not letting it fester in the water. They’ve got rocks and tiles to clamber onto, we put them outside in the sunshine every now and then, but it’s harder than I thought though, and I don’t hold up much hope for Miss Julie making it now she’s all alone.

Maybe we’ll try again when the weather is warmer- they’re tropical I think, so presumably fair a lot better in the heat and humidity than, say, me. Chinese friends tell us we should be feeding them chopped up shrimp or possibly insects- seems odd to feed that to something so small though.

In the mean time, any tips on Turtle care, or coping with Turtle related grief are welcome.

Welcome back to Shoe Tuesday!

Today we have a nice pair of children’s pumps that say “Batuo” on them- perhaps that’s Japanese for “Machine washable”

I nearly got into fisticuffs this weekend. Sort of.

At the Blue Angel on Tongren Lu (a classy sort of establishment where if you dose off after a few ports, the valet will leave a crisply ironed copy of The Telegraph on your lap) I was enjoying a Raspberryade with my visiting chum.

Whilst Jose was enaged in a game of dice with a friendly young lady, I was watching the band do an awful cover version of “Livin La Vida Local”.
This young chap comes up to me, and through a mixure of spittle-flecked Chinese and hand gestures, indicates that he wants to play the game “Rock, Scissors, Paper”.

Well I don’t know if you’re aware of the rules of that, but basically the first one is that you have to be sober enough to see your own hands in order to play. This guy wasn’t.

I beat him a couple of times at that, when he decided it wasn’t the game for him and stumbled off to aggressively hug his friends a few more times.

Back he comes, this time to try his luck at an arm wrestle. Now I’m no David Hasselhof, but for some reason I always do OK at arm wrestling, and despite the fact this guy was dressed up like a rent-boy Bruce Lee, I beat him pretty easily.

Next thing you know he’s back with two tumblers full of iced beer which, I realised after he started drinking his, I was supposed to try and drink more quickly than him.

After draining his glass all down his black vest, he was all up in my grill shouting

“F** YOU!”

in capital letters- only he didn’t use asterixes, I can tell you.

“Now seems like a good time to leave mate”

I says to Jose, which was a shame as he’d just worked out the point of the dice game (you always lose and have to buy the girl a drink).

We went home shortly(ish) afterwards.