Published by Swiss James on 24 Mar 2008 at 12:10 pm
Acupuncture
For the last few weeks I’ve had a bad neck and shoulder. Massages weren’t helping, binge drinking wasn’t helping, I was almost out of ideas.
Then on Saturday I was limping past an acupuncture clinic and decided I might as well give it a try.
We only really planned to have a quick look at the place; see if it looked clean, any dead bodies covered in broken needles stuffed in the bins, then make an appointment.
The doctor, however, had the bedside manner of a Soweto street hustler and before I knew what was what he had me in his office and was sticking a needle in my shoulder to see which bits made me squawk.
The shoulder pricks were just for diagnosis- once he worked out the problem (too much “jin” blood) it was obvious that the solution to my shoulder pain was to stick a bunch of needles in umm, my stomach, and then put a little beehive full of smouldering ashes on my belly.
It hurt, but only a bit. Little lines of muscle spasm pain that seemed to go away if I concentrated hard on relaxing. The heat from the little beehive got hotter and hotter too, I could smell my little belly hairs burning.
I’m tough, I can take it- and didn’t press the panic button once (well maybe once, but just for fun).
It’s tempting to say that the guy was a total fraud, but you know what? My shoulder feels a lot better- and at 150RMB for the session, I think it was a pretty good deal.
Thank frig Emma was there though, the doctor spoke at a million characters a minute and if you don’t speak Chinese, this isn’t a guy to be messed with.
[Sorry about the quality of the photos, I was caught cameraless and had to use my mobile phone. The quality is so poor you can barely see my rippling six pack]
Dr Lou’s Acupuncture Clinic, Xinzha Lu (a little West of the junction with Changde Lu)- 150RMB
no comments? Bloody hell, I’m nearly killed by a sadistic doctor, and…nothing?
it is a bank holiday here so we are all busy…. erm… sleeping off all the Easter eggs from yesterday- sorry!!!
Sam arrives in Blighty tomorrow!
My uncle is a Chinese qualified doctor and helps when my brother has severe migraines that bring tears to his eyes, acupuncture from my uncle is the only thing that will ease the pain. So if you dare imply these people are quacks, it’s pistols at the Bund at dawn my friend.
Glad to hear you’re feeling better too.
I wanna know more about the panic button. I like the concept.
i haven’t ever been to an accupuncturist (sp?) but my brother has and he swears by the treatments. (though for his shoulder pain, the man put needles in the side of his head . . .)
we can see you underwear.
That’s two posts in a row featuring pork. Wait, that’s not pork? Oh, my bad.
One should never mindlessly mix cause and effect.
Loosa - Post hoc, ergo propter hoc (after this, therefore because of this) ….
I agree with Loosa, great concentration should be used when mixing potentially hazardous chemicals and appropriate PPE should be worn, LEP as a minimum.
I agree with dingle, great chemicals should be used whilst trying to concentrate.
Lukas- they left me on my own for a while whilst the treatment took effect, I was told to press the button if I was uncomfortable.
Why having a load of needles sticking out of my stomach whilst hot ashes burnt into my abdomen would make me uncomfortable I don’t know.
Wait, he spoke a million CHARACTERS per second? Is he like a comic book?
That’s not a panic button it’s a big girls blouse button - you press it if you’re not man enough to take a few little pin pricks, then they take out the needles and give you the aromatherapy version of the treatment.
Angie, the visible underwear is a deliberate ploy from Mr Swiss to hide the fact that the hairs lower down are errr, how do I put this, a slightly different colour, you know a little lighter and maybe a slight yellowy/reddy hue, you know, like you might find on an Orangutan’s bar of soap.
A million characters a second yeah- isn’t that what Chinese people would say? It doesn’t make sense the other way.
WoAi- I notice we’re not hearing all about the many times you’ve had acupuncture, as I know for a fact that you ask for a general anaesthetic every summer before you have your ankles waxed.
dingle- it was a rumour when you said it, but now you’re writing it it’s proper slander and you can expect to be hearing from my attorneys-at-law
dingle: are you suggesting that james’ curtains don’t match the carpet? (has anyone seen his curtains?)
james: attorneys-at-law? i thought you brits called them barristers?
Angie, I’m unable to pass further comment on this matter due to legal action by Ronald McDonald here.
James - Now who is slandering who? It’s just a local anaesthetic because my skin is quite tender and sensitive around my ankles.
Angie - I’ve definitely not seen his carpet, not sure I’ve ever seen his curtains either, since I’ve only known him a year and his curtains haven’t …. hang on, which is curtains and which is carpet???
Attorneys-at-law? Are there any other kind of ambulance chasers, oops, I mean attorneys?
My carpet used to be a deep Axminster pile, but a lot of foot traffic has reduced it to a fairly patchy- yeah seriously, which is curtains and which is carpet here?
I need to be sure what I’m saying.
Barristers cost more, and I think you can have attorneys-at-play which is when they’re off duty.
curtains = hair or eyebrows
carpet = “downstairs”
Angie - Then why did you say “has anyone seen his CURTAINS”? I think that’s what confused everyone!
woai, it was (apparently a poor attempt at) joking about james’ . . . you know . . . his . . . a-l-o-p-e-c-i-a.
I don’t like where this is going.
Uncle Rich- long time no see!