The Harlem Globetrotters of football, LA Galaxy came to town this week,bringing their star dancing monkey David Beckham.

You probably haven’t heard of Beckham, as he keeps himself to himself, but he is a very talented man. His talents divide up roughly thus:

  • 10% taking free-kicks that sometimes result in spectacular goals (but usually don’t)
  • 10% providing crosses for more entertaining players to score from
  • 80% taking his shirt off and looking slightly horny / angry in front of a camera.

The game ended 3-0 to LA, (or in the 70th minute when Beckham was substituted and most of the crowd left depending on how you look at it) but the promotional tie-ins will no doubt last for many months to come.

I do actually like Beckham; he used to play well for England, is a great role model for- you know- “the kids”, and if it wasn’t for the fact he keeps impregnating Posh Spice, she might have a lot more free time to record solo albums.

Beckham fans by Jake Newby

Photo by Brad Westphal, seen in the Shanghaiist public web album. (Is this stealing? I’m not sure)

Nevertheless I had to laugh and agree when my taxi driver last night went into a tirade of abuse about Beckham, the low culture level of footballers in general, and the screaming teenagers who go to these kind of showpiece games:

‘These people at the match shouting “Xiao Bei! Xiao Bei! Wo ai ni!” ["Beckham! Beckham! I love you!"]. They are psychotic!”

Indeed they are, angry taxi driver, indeed they are.