Hang onto your hats boys and girls, these are my ransom demands:

Blueberry stuff

1. This drink, which is like being gang-raped by a blueberry bush (in a good way).

English Cuisine

2. Fine English cuisine available in an ordinary cafe. I’m having to butter my own toast at the moment, this cannot continue.

Hong Kong money

3. Plastic money you can see through- no more fakes with these bad boys I should imagine.

Granville road shops

4. The jumble-sale shops on Granville Road which sell stuff made in China for cheaaaaap. For example I bought a DKNY jacket for 50 Hong Kong dollars- (about the same price as a kids meal from McDonalds). Admittedly you can’t try anything on, some of it has small manufacturing errors, and the pockets of my jacket were full of infected syringes, but there are bargains galore.

Stanley

5. The lovely Stanley. How hard can it really be for the Shanghai government to create a charming coastal town 20 minutes drive from my apartment?