ISpyShanghai

I’ll bloody tell you how it was- it was T-RiffiC!

Emma and I were getting really scared about the whole weather situation as the plane started to descend over snowy fields. As we taxiied to the stand she said
“Look at all of those rocks”
“Umm, I think that’s ice they’ve chipped off the runway”
But you know what, if you wrap up warm with loads of layers, it’s all just hype and the cold is no bother.

Yes your breath freezes and forms ice crystals in your nostrils, yes my eyelashes got covered in frost, and yes the tip of my finger fell off and was eaten by pigeons- but at the end of the day we still had plenty fun.

Iha dal ove lyt ime att hef est iva l.

The Harbin Snow and Ice festival was first held in <insert historical fact here> by the <probably people who ran fruit stalls or something?- check this later>. Over the years the festival has grown and now attracts <there were definitely more than 20 people there, but need to get more accurate figure> people over the course of <Seriously, why didn’t I pick up a pamphlet or something? Now I’m going to have to trawl through wikipedia looking all this crap up>.

There are a few smaller festivals in parks around the city, but the big boy- the DisneyWorld of frozen treats is located on an island across from the main city. Here they build a mini ice town every year with a huge snow Buddha, palaces from the Forbidden City, a Westminster Abbey, Stone Henge (which is cheating since it’s just basically a few massive blocks of ice), the Acropolis, plus lots and lots of stuff related to the Beijing Olympics.

Assuming you can get your breath in those sorts of conditions, the things these people can do with ice are breathtaking. They’re solid enough to walk and clamber all over- in fact some of them have slides down the side for <ahem> kids. 

More tomorrow.

Following my last post about buying a winter coat, all of your comments about how cold it is in Harbin worked me up into a froth of panic about the cold. Thanks for that.

So last night I went to Decathlon (a cheap sporting goods megastore) and went absolutely gangbusters buying up their whole stock of winter gear. Now I’ve got two hats, two pairs of gloves, socks you could use as oven mitts, a flock of zip-up fleeces, a pair of fur lined boots, snow/water/wind/wolf-proof trousers and a ski mask.

Oh yeah- you read that right, A MOTHER FLIPPING SKI MASK!

Me, this morning

Come on then Harbin, show me what you’ve got.

Apologies to anyone tuning in today hoping to find a new post. There isn’t one.

Well I suppose unless you count this. But this really isn’t a proper post- proper posts have pictures, a point and sometimes jokes.

So yes. Sorry about that.

When I get married (no date as yet, but I’ll keep you posted) I’m not going to get a photographer who’ll make me pose for photos. Getting married is great, so why would you want to spend three hours of the day in a park dressed up like 19th Century minor aristocracy, worrying about getting dog muck on a white dress? Screw that- they can just follow us around all day and take photos of what’s actually happening- the service, the reception, the fighting, the wedding night.

My workmate Steven, however, is Shanghainese so he doesn’t get a say in such matters. His wedding isn’t until next Saturday, but months ago he wasted a day of his life embarking on a marathon Wedding photo session in a variety of outfits, locations, and poses.

The bride looks pretty in the photos, like a Victorian porcelain doll (I don’t know her so would feel wrong putting her photos up). Steven looks like the tea boy from a Duran Duran video who is about to get in trouble for trying on the band’s outfits.

“Were you wearing a lot of makeup here Steven?” I asked him
“Not a lot, just some foundation” he said. “And the guy gave me some glasses to wear that had no glass in them“. Naturally.

Can’t wait for the wedding!

—–UPDATE

Bazza’s wish is my command. Steven just came in and said I was OK to add a photo of him and his wife. This is the one we picked awww:

For a while there I had the coolest bike in the city. Extra sized basket, two bells, slight rust on the handle bars, it was a beast.

Well that’s all gone now. I left it parked on Tongren Lu for about a week and was amazed to find when I’d got back that it had been stolen! How someone managed to break my 35RMB lock I will never know, but I suspect the police should be looking for some kind of Chinese version of Ocean’s 11.

I discovered this shocking crime on Saturday night but have only just felt able to write about it without breaking down into tears (my bottom lip is quivering as we speak). The one silver lining is that it provides a tenuous link to use the following two photos of vehicle customisation:

Essential cold weather bling for the cyclist in Shanghai, WoAi was talking about how you know if it’s winter in Shanghai - I reckon it’s when the scooter lads attach these Wookie paws to their handlebars.

This is the kind of thing that you don’t want to see on a car number plate.

Never mind wishing me Good luck- how about you stop applying Hello Kitty lipgloss using your Hello Kitty vanity mirror for 10 seconds and watch the road, you scatty mare.

I’m off to Harbin this weekend, the freezing cold city north of Beijing where they hold an annual ice festival.

In preparation for the weather in Harbin
[oh Jesus I've just looked at the forecast, it's going to be between -23 and -35 degrees celsius- why the hell did I agree to this?!]
Emma had been given a tip about where to buy cheap duck down coats. Just the ticket.

Buying a jacket in a place like this is about as pleasant as getting your finger trapped in a car door.
The rails are packed into the available space so people shove and elbow each other out of the way to get where they’re going, staff are all on commission so are on you like ants on a Fruit Pastille, and when it’s time to pay you have to queue up at a separate cash counter for the best part of a week- waiting for someone to rubberstamp a sheaf of sales receipts for you to take back to the harpie with your jacket.

“That was like being on the ‘Titanic‘ ” Emma said as we left. She had a point.

The jackets were cheap- 300RMB for hers, 400RMB for mine. In the end, though,  it was a false economy since we spent 400RMB on afternoon tea at the Four Seasons to recover.

Duck Down jackets, 300-500RMB. “Palace Of 100 Products” (or something) Department Store, Nanjing Dong Lu

Hands up who likes drinking tea?

Me too, it refreshes your tired mind, slakes your thirst, and stains your teeth.  Sometimes, if my butler is sick, I even like to make my own tea and previously thought that I was doing a reasonable job.

The good people at Lipton however, suggest that I’m missing some very important steps:

I assume Hirameki  is a Japanese word which means “Everyone in the office staring and pointing at you“.

They’re right about using freshly boiled water though; I’ve tried boiling a whole batch of water to use throughout the week, but by the second or third day your tea is stone cold.

Man alive it’s foggy, I SAY MAN ALIVE!

My boss went out for his normal post-prandial stroll a few hours ago and still hasn’t got back, I’m pretty sure he stumbled into quicksand and will never be seen again.

This is the normal view from my balcony:

This was the view this morning:

 It’s days like this that make me glad I’m not an 18th century navigator in the Merchant Navy.