ISpyShanghai

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Normally I’m the picture of health, but for the last couple of days I’ve been feeling rough. Far to ill to take photos or write anything vaguely amusing.

In fact I haven’t really felt right since I slept overnight in that Chicken coop the other week. Stupid tequilla.

Things are getting Christmassy around the Jing-An area.

They’ve have lights up outside the big shopping centres for the last week or so, and all of the restaurants in the food court are playing “Jingle Bells”, “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” and all that kind of mullarkey. It’s still a week or so before I’ll be thrown headlong into a Christmas frenzy- but I do plan to put up decorations in my apartment, wear a santa hat to and from work, and change my laptop background to a lickle red robin sitting in a tree. Make no mistake- I bloody love Christmas!

Whilst admiring the lights the decorations in Plaza 66 (one of the ritziest shopping malls in Shangers) I noticed that the Louis Vuitton store were operating a one-out / one-in policy like it was some kind of Soviet bread shop.

“In Capitalist China, bag owns you!“

Getting into a taxi in Shanghai is a bit like sitting in the first three rows at Seaworld- yes you might get wet (/ in a head-on collision with a Bongo truck) but surely that’s part of the fun?

I take a taxi to work every day. Generally it’s the same guy every day, the cheekiest man in Shanghai this fella would have no trouble pulling out in front of an ambulance, cutting up the Popemobile then honking his horn at Ghandi’s funeral parade to get out of the way.

Sometimes though I have to get other drivers- drivers who see a white face and hear cash registers. Last Thursday was one of these times. It was 10:30pm, and I picked up some guy from the airport taxi rank, straight away I should have known that something was wrong because this guy was wearing a tracksuit and not the regulation 8 year old polyester suit of most cab drivers (the more cigarette burns on his sleeves, the safer I feel)- but I didn’t pay much attention and we set off West.

It was as we drove up the gangway of the Hydrofoil to Guam and the driver started putting on suntan lotion that I started to suspect we weren’t taking the most direct route to my house. I tried to argue with the guy, but his Chinese was significantly better than mine, so instead of getting into some screaming match (I cry easily) I just made sure that when we finally arrived, the number on the receipt matched the one on his ID card and waited until the next day to grass him up to the authorities.

The number to call was on the receipt, my workmate told them where I got in the cab, where I got out, how much I paid, and what the distance was. They got back to him in a few days to confirm what I already knew- the sweatsuit kid had tried to play me for a sucker.

The happy ending to this tale is that today I received a cheque for 3 times the amount of money he scammed me on, and a VIP ticket to the guy’s public execution (People’s Square, 3pm. Let me know if you want in on a case of beers. Bring pork). Hurray for justice!

Well this is both frustrating and fantastic.

There’s a street called Taikang Lu which I’d heard mentioned a few times in passing and thought I’d actually been to once or twice. In fact I hadn’t, and I would remember, because it’s the nicest area I’ve seen in Shanghai.

The reason I went in the first place was to visit a cafe called Kommune, popular comment monkey “dingle” sent me a greasy fingered text on Sunday:

“They’ve got proper bacon here- I’m practically <edited for decency> enjoying it very much indeed</edited>”

So off we went, Emma, Dan and I. Tucked down a lane, around a corner, up an alleyway is this Kommune place. They keep their cakes in a wooden birdcage, serve 3-THREE-eggs (mushrooms, proper bacon, toast, tomato) with breakfast, and dish out coffee in cups you could drown a toddler in.

Full, and caffeined-up we started looking around the shops in the area. It’s all small businesses making fancy scarves, silver jewelery, handmade pottery- unique stuff, not over-priced, pleasant staff, good stuff for Christmas. Most of the shops are tiny though so French people beware: if you’re carrying a backpack and sneeze you’ll break something.

Emma tried on a few dresses looking for something to wear to my brother’s wedding at Christmas- but there are apparently about 800 ways women’s clothing can be unsuitable- the waist can be too short, pleats can look cheap, it can be the wrong shade of black etc. etc. With me, the thinking pretty much just goes: “Do these shoes make me look bald?”

Anyway, Taikang Lu- a smashing place.