The Colonel has saved my bacon on more than one occasion- his friendly face has occasionally shone through as a beacon of easily palatable food when outside factors have prevented me from stomaching anything that was cooked by an actual person.

Whilst the bedrock of KFC- those greasy, salty pieces of bird, remain anchored to the menu, the Colonel tempts us with other treats. The Popcorn Chicken, the Flaming Tower Burger, the Dragon or Mexican wrap. Rarely does he put a foot wrong, for he is well aware that 3/4 of his customers are hungover, and the rest are legally retarded. Even the lemon-fresh serviette tastes OK.

Now though, in China of all places, he has managed to make something not just a bit grim, but trully inedible. Gaze, if gaze ye must, at the abomination that is the Lotus Root Salad.

KFC’s Chinese abomination

Carrots, Peas, Kidney Beans, Corn, and Lotus Root in some kind of sweetened and (I don’t jest) perfumed mayonnaise.

If you think it looks grim then you should smell it- like a bag of mashed up Jelly Tots that’s just been sicked up by a baby. In a hot car.