ISpyShanghai

bad movie

I’m thinking of starting up an agency supplying English teachers to the people who make pirate DVDs.

That’s a lie, what I’m mainly thinking about is what it would feel like to sleep in a hammock woven from dental floss.
Mmmm!

A few firsts for me over the last couple of days.

Last night was the first time I’d ever ridden a bike with one person sat side-saddle on the parcel shelf, and one perched on the seat. It can be done, but it’s exhausting and you tend to sway hither-and-fro hitting pigeons and trucks.

Those parcel shelves are dead handy.

Monday night was my first time in a Sichuan restaurant- a region noted for it’s fiery, oily cuisine- and Tuesday morning was the first time I’ve ever had to call my girlfriend to have her explain to a taxi driver we need to stop the car urgently.

This was shortly followed by my first, and hopefully last time pooping in the communal squat-trough of a Chinese marketplace W.C.
As shown below.

Importing Korean culture to China; I brought my workmates some kimchi flavoured chocolate

When I lived in Seoul I would hear the occasional thing about Korean fashion, films and music being popular in other parts of asia. I always took it with a pinch of MSG though, since the Korean media isn’t always as fair and balanced as, say Fox News in the States, or a 4 year old child telling you why they should have an ice-cream.
Now though I’ve seen it first hand- people sporting clothes with the Korean language on there, hearing people rave about Korean drama series and films, and seeing Rain’s flat face splashed on billboards everywhere.

Military service and makeup for girls under 30 are compulsory in Korea.
The other lad is watching the telly on his phone- whatever next?

In Asia, Korea is cool- and that makes me very happy. I feel like a supporter of a minor football team (hello Doncaster Rovers) that have gotten it together and had some success in the Cup (hello Johnstone Paint Trophy). Plus, on my return I realised it isn’t all hype either, Korean women dress up all pretty with makeup during the day time- the whole bit, the men realise that wispy nostril hair and flannel pyjamas are unlikely to be seen on a Milan catwalk this season, and there are little boutiques and quirky bars springing up all over the place. On the Saturday afternoon I ate Tapas for flip’s sake- TAPAS! It’s a place with some style, no question.

I however do not, and went on a bit of a blitz on Saturday, the details of which are patchy but I shall do my best.

In Pulse with Cam, RL, SJ and Erin

First of all I went to Haebangchon for a multimedia / chin-stroking festival where my mate Peter had a few photos and a guy called Chris showed an animation called “Fake Laugh” that I’m still having nightmares about. Therein I met Amy, went with Amy to Wolfhound where I met Heidi and her entire football team, got drunk on booze, then went to Friends bar (happy hour lasts until 3am there), Pulse, then breakfast at some 24 hour pork restaurant. Back to the hotel for about 8am (a guess since I had no watch, but it had been broad daylight for quite some time) and was kicked out of the room at midday- feeling faaantastic

A random girl in Pulse

On Sunday I ordered a chicken burger and chips and just stared at it for 30 minutes before having it wrapped up in a foil coffin which I wanted to jump into. Officially my worst hangover of all time.

The flight from Shanghai to Seoul is about 1 hour 45 mins and cost me 3,300 RMB (217 quid). Co-incidentally these are also the length of time I spent sober, and the amount of cash I spent on booze during my two day trip.

Photo originally by Rachel-Lynn. Hope she doesn’t mind!

For my money, the best part of Seoul is Hongdae- the area around an artsy university in the North-West of the city. I stayed in a ‘love hotel’ called Bobo’s which cost about 50 quid per night. For that price you get a good sized room with a bath and shower, a car park with a big curtain over it (so no-one can see your registration plate from the street), and the ability to get to your room through the back stairs so that you and your illicit partner can be discreet. A bit more interesting than the average Hilton anyway.

As soon as I arrived on the Friday night I met up with the gang of friends I used to spend most of my time with in Korea. We went to a kalbi (BBQd beef ribs) restaurant where you can sit outside and see the world go by. The drinking was already well underway by the time we got to the restaurant thanks to a newly introduced 6.9% beer (Cass Red- “Taste The Passion”), and by the time we’d eaten and drank plenty of shots of Oh Ship Sae Ju (two traditional kinds of booze mixed together- tastes a bit like ginseng), we were having contests to see who could sing the intro to “Livin’ On A Prayer” with the most feeling.

On the way between the restaurant and the next bar, we came across a “Road Bar”- basically the back of a truck stacked up with spirits, serving very (very) cheap cocktails. After a couple of hours enjoying the bargains, we went to a place called TinPan Alley where there was dancing on tables.

My memory after this is patchy at best- I remember trying not to speak to anyone because my speech was even more slurred and indistinct than normal, wandering around in circles after losing my friends, am pretty sure I was sick (although where, I have no idea) and woke up face down, star-shaped on my bed with an empty microwave hamburger wrapper stuck to my cheek.

kimchi crisps chips

So yes, Korea. I spent three years there in the Glorious Land of the Morning Calm- all of them in Seoul, all of them working at Incheon airport.

Korea is notable for many things, the delicate nuances of its food (which stinks, burns your tongue and tastes fantastic), the passive, sweet nature of its inhabitants (who will force alcohol down your neck and run riot through town on a Monday night at the drop of a hat), and the Cosmopolitan nature of it’s population (99.5% Koreans - 0.05% OHMIGOSH- LOOK, THERE’S A FOREIGNER!!!).

Last weekend (at a toy / hip-hop clothing market on Changle Lu) there was one shop with a Korean flag over it. I went in and pretended to look around, then asked the guy (in Chinese)-
“Are you Korean?“.

He was. So I said:
“Hello!”

in Korean, and then tried to say something, anything in hangukmal (i.e. Korean, keep up).

a toy/ hip-hop clothing market at 190 Changle Lu.

All that came out was a stuttering mess of three languages (mostly English swearing).

Can my Chinese after 4.5 months (admittedly including lessons twice a week) really be better than my three years worth of Korean ever was? Apparently so.

I blame the Soju. The sweet, sweet, Soju.

dead fly

The mercury is rising and the barometer is spinning like a comedy bow-tie as we move towards June.

Whilst I’m happy about the start of summer, flies and mosquitoes have lately started to populate the office and distract everyone from our mouse-clickery and technical wizardry.
Clearly something had to be done, and so it was with a happy heart that I recently found the natural  way to keep the flying insect population down:

Electrified Tennis Racquets.

Infinitely more satisfying than a fly swatter, these things have a metal grid slung between the plastic casing, powered by 2 x AA batteries. When any kind of insect (or careless human finger) touches the grid, blue sparks fly out, there’s a glorious crackle, some light smoke, and a dead bug.

Needless to say, the office is now completely pest-free, and when one does appear, there’s a mad scramble of people looking to claim the scalp. We’re keeping score (mosquitoes count double, the evil little biters) and whoever is victorious at the end of the week wins, umm, well they just win.

On the prowl

Another one in the eye for the Buddhists!

4 wheel drive

I’m no automotive expert, but to me a four wheel drive vehicle has to have… Oh never mind.

I’M GOING TO KOREA THIS WEEKEND!!!!11111shift1shift1-laserslaserpewpewpeww!!

On Sunday with the weather blazing and The World’s Greatest Kite itching to get up into the blue, I went to Century Park with the enigmatic Emma. It’s a nice enough place, but when you pay 10RMB (70p- more than I pay for my lunch) to get into a place, you don’t expect there to be a “No Kites” rule. At that sort of price I expect to be allowed to light all of the trees on fire for my amusement, then go fishing for Koi Carp.

Well we had a walk around for a while, Emma wanted to go on a boat but I had flashbacks to renting a Pedlo in Lloret De Mar back in ‘86, (my Mum lost her glasses in the sea, and I got stung by a jellyfish- never again). After a quick circuit and a sprint through the musical fountain we got out of the park and headed down Century Avenue, where you can fly as many kites as you like without whitey getting on your back.

And fly it did- despite the kite hawkers all down the avenue telling me mine was small and ugly (sometimes knowing Chinese isn’t so cool)- The World’s Greatest Kite had no hesitation in soaring straight upwards to the full length of the string. I have no idea how high it was (maybe about the same as a 50 storey building? I’m not good at estimates) regardless, it was the highest one, a mere speck in the sky. Emma was suitably impressed- so much so that she wouldn’t give me the bloody string back once I’d lent it to her and I had to find my own amusements.

Bottom left, Emma- top, top, top right- our speck of a kite

Wandering around by the Science and Technology Museum, a short walk from the park, there were some kids on Skateboards, with one guy in particular pulling off some quality stunts. I took a few photos and then got over-excited, kicked off my shoes and socks and waded into the water for to get a better angle.