ISpyShanghai

More advice from the Peelers:

I think this one is about getting spam messages on your mobile phone, so perhaps all of those chinese text messages I receive inviting me to a “Super Happy Fun Party” in a warehouse by the docks might not be legit. The police however seem powerless to halt the tidal wave of dangerous firecrackers being sold openly on the streets of Shanghai.

These little tubes are filled with some kind of pixie dust, if you throw them at the ground they make a lound bang and terrify any girls within a 15 metre radius. They’re a bit like a similar thing I had as a kid, but way more powerful and dangerous; bits of shrapnel fly out eye-wards when they go off.

Very dangerous, and yet I bought 6 or 7 boxes of these on Saturday without anyone checking my ID to make sure I was over 16. What if I had been an evil-doer bent on World domination?

The whole situation thing reminds me of the time I tried to get into the famous ‘Cheers’ bar in Boston- I only had a UK drivers license as ID and the guy on the door refused me entry until I could show nothing less than a Passport signed by Queen Elizabeth herself:

“Because of the whole 9/11 thing”

He was quite right to do so.

Most narrow streets in Shanghai double up as washing lines and I sometimes have to duck out of the way to avoid someone’s low hanging bloomers. I’d be ashamed to hang my gear out- there’s more hole than sock half the time. Still, if the 20 million people who live here were all using electricity to dry their laundry….well something bad would happen. That’s for sure.

Recently I saw a street where instead of old shirts there where huge sides of fish and scores of birds drying off instead.

If I had a kitchen (still in a hotel at the moment unfortunately), I would have been tempted to buy one of those ducks/geese above, and then enjoyed the rest of the day working out how to cook the thing.

Instead I had egg and chips.

[January 23, 2007]

Old chinese people dancing in a park is a lovely sight for a Saturday afternoon.

My Mum would like this idea, couples gliding across the floor in the open air, enjoying the weather and getting a little exercise. Someone had set up a ghetto blaster just out of shot, and these couples were mashing up the dance floor, foxtrot style.

This was in Fuxing (Foo-Shing) Park, which seems to be THE place for the over 40’s gentleman. Especially the guys who were taking up  most of the benches and covered areas of the park playing card or board games. The players were laughing and shouting at each other, smoking the last 8 millimetres of a cigarette.

Some people were reading the newspaper set out in a glass case and I was as surprised to see coverage of the whole Celebrity Big Brother racism thing in there as I was on CNN the previous day. I try to be interested in trivial things, but the stakes keep on being raised.

All this over an Oxo cube eh?

[January 22, 2007]

Stayed in on Friday night, partly because I got too engrossed in 15 different MSN messenger conversations, and partly because I didn’t know anyone who was going out. Saturday made up for it though.

In Harleys, my local bar, there’s a large bottle covered by a green sack and protected by a figurine of Bruce Lee. It’s a jar full of Baijao (a horrendous, inexplicably popular Chinese white spirit) in which a load of snakes have been drowned. Two of the other lads I was with were having a shot (they were told it was vodka and weren’t happy when they found out the truth later on), so I figured what the hell.

I was a bit nervous about it, but as Homer J says “It passed the first test: I didn’t go blind”, and to be honest, normal Baijao tastes so bad (sort of like an industrial air-freshener mixed up with paint thinner) the dead snakes took some of the edge off it.

The guys I was out with are all workmates of Craig, over for a jolly vital business venture from the UK eager to see the sights and, oh I tell you what, I’m just going to let the photos speak for themselves.

Note the bottle of free tequilla being poured into punters’ mouths

Please note that this last picture is rated “18″, anyone suffering from a meek disposition, Sciatica or vertigo should look away now (click on the photo to find a larger version if you must- it’s on your conscience).

So yes, apparently Shanghai isn’t all dumpling shops and teahouses. A blinding night out, the old adage is true- polymer scientists know how to party (that reminds me, I danced to the “Venga Bus”- why God!? WHYYY!!!!??”).

[January 17, 2007]

Seems a bit graphic to me, what’s next:
“Keep one hand on his bag and one on your own”?

Tut tut.

Things are still going well, I was out last night at my neighbourhood bar (unless my boss reads this, in which case I was getting an early night), enjoying smashing pints of Tiger for 20RMB.

My drinking buddy was this guy - whom I presume won’t mind me mentioning that he has just returned from the wilds of China with some blinding black and white photos. Check this one out in particular.